Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Thank You Notes Should Die

I am not a violent person. At all. But when it comes to dang thank you notes I would mind in the least if they ceased to exist. It is not at all that I am not thankful for the 27 different soaps I got for Christmas. I am! I am super pumped to smell like a bakery full of sugar cookies deep in the tropic with a line of fresh linens next to it while eating some oranges and strawberries mushed together. Who wouldn't be?
No, my problem lies within the fact that I already said thank you abazillion and ten times already while receiving my soaps. There are only so many ways to express gratitude to distant family members who you are starting to believe think you need to smell better. And have you noticed that it's usually the distant family members who want to thank you's the most? It's like they want you to realize how much effort they put into giving you your gifts because they totally don't have to seeing how you're only related but some rouge cousin or something no one is quite sure what happened to them...

So, besides the fact that  I am against them with every fiber of my being I write them anyway because I love my mother and she would cry if I did not. I sit down at my table with the biggest frown I can manage without straining anything and begin. Only I get stuck because how do you make it sound that you are madly in love with the new folders your great grandmother three times removed gave you with your name on each of them only they are all missing the "i" in your name? Here is my thought process every time I write my thank you's:

Dear wait how do you spell their name again? Crap... I'll just put My Favorite Aunt in the World!
       Thank you so much for those pot holders! You were So right I did need a pair of these! Now I just need some pots to hold. So, again, thank you!  How in the world can I make this longer? Um... It was so good to see you! I wish we saw each other more often. No! Now she's try to set up a lunch or something or worse a board game night! *Shudder* Then again only seeing you at Christmas makes it more magical and meaningful. In my mind a decorated pine tree, snowmen, presents, and your face all reminds me of Christmas. Okay, I'm reaching and getting too cheesy. I better wrap this up. 
                                                  Love, Paige

And that is one of my best formats of a thank you note! Usually I get stuck in a loop and write the same thank you note for 47 different people and I just insert the names and the gift in the note. It's sad. It's annoying. It's the joy of the holidays. If special occasions had no catches then people would be making up one for every single day. Thank you notes, I think, are a way of telling everyone, "Hey, yes you had fun but now it's time to buckle down and do things you hate. Back to the real world, baby."

After you write it all and you feel somewhat proud that you stuck it out and was a big girl, it dawns on you thought you actually need to mail all of these bad boys. This is the point where I really start cussing. I usually never have anyone address and you REALLY have to be a responsible person to have stamps. I am definitely one of these people. Where do you get stamps? Post Office? If it's not sold at Walmart I usually give up all hope looking for it.So I end up having to call my mom and ask for stamps and addresses and that usually ruins any feelings I had of being a big girl. Thank you notes lower self esteem. I think like medicine they need that warning label.

I should stop writing before this rant gets way out of hand and start to go into detail of how much I hate when people give you a gift OF thank you notes! Come on, really?

Anyway, I don't think I'm the only one with a passionate hate of thank you's but if I am at least I hope gave someone in site of  my easily annoyed train of thought!

BAM! I really did get a random pot holder when I own no pots! I just felt the need to prove that.

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